Premiership Striker Dumped By Wife On Facebook

From: Sports by Brooks
Somehow, news of one of the greatest breakups of all-time hasn’t reached this shore yet, probably because the couple involved isn’t particularly notable to American fans. With that in mind, we’re going to try and put this in a context a little more familiar: Imagine if Eva Longoria dumped husband Tony Parker with a status update on FACEBOOK. Now take that and put it in a country where the NBA is the only relevant sports league. Well, that’s exactly what happened to former English Premier League striker Michael Chopra, whose wife — former British reality TV star Heather Swan — changed her facebook status to single without even telling him beforehand earlier this month.
Without missing a beat, Chopra — a Sunderland striker on loan in Wales at Cardiff City – cancelled his wife’s cell phone contract and posted on his own profile that, “Heather will have a new number tomorrow, ha ha.” Well played sir, well played.

Two Cows Go to Wall Street

Best explanation that I have seen describing the economic fiasco in the US, from Clusterstock:

You have two cows.

John Paulson borrows one cow so he can sell it for $100. He gives you $10 as collateral.

You buy your neighbors cow for $100, which you finance by taking out a $90 loan from the bank and use John's $10 to make up the rest.

You brag to everyone about your financial health. You have assets--two cows you own, plus one Paulson owes you--worth $300, and liabilities of just $100.

A third of the country goes vegetarian.

You thought your two cows were worth $200 and now they are worth $140.

You express confidence in your financial health. Your assets are now worth only $200--your two cows plus the one John owes you--but your liabilities are still only $100. If necessary, you could sell the assets at this distressed price and pay off all your loans.

You hold onto your cows because you are sure the market is "dislocated." Some day someone will want to eat beef again.

The rest of the country goes vegetarian. Your two cows are now worth $2 each to guys who want to make dog food.

John Paulson buys a cow in the market for $2 and he gives it to you as repayment of the loan. You now have three cows worth six bucks.

John wants his $10 back.

The bank calls. It wants its $90 back.

You call the Federal Reserve and ask for a bailout.

28cm drill bit removed from worker's brain

Dai Longquan, a 19-year-old man from Jiangxi Province is currently recuperating at Renji Hospital after having a 28cm drill bit removed from his brain by surgeons. He was adjusting the drill when a tiny little accident happened — the bit shot into his right eye socket and was embedded 18 centimetres into his brain. By the time Dai was rushed to the hospital, he was already in a critical condition and was lapsing into a coma. Doctors made two small openings on each side of his brain and not only removed the bit (three centimetres of which had been bent into a right angle), but also saved his eye.

Shanghaiist

25 Stupid Facts List

My girlfriend joined Facebook recently and has been asked to post ”25 Things About Me”. It seems harmless enough; people write 25 facts about themselves and post the list on their Facebook pages, just as they do with videos, status updates and photos of last weekend’s party. An estimated 5 million of these notes — that’s 125 million facts — have appeared on the website within the past week. Assuming it takes someone 10 minutes to come up with their list, this recent bout of viral narcissism has sent roughly 800,000 hours of work time productivity down the drain.

Image via Wikipedia

She has been asking me for help in writing her list. I found this list of 25 stupidest facts. BSPCN

1. I eat tacos with a fork.

2. I was fat in middle school. The wake of that horror has yet to subside.

3. I keep forgetting that Barack Obama is our President.

4. I have been pooped on by a monkey.

5. I am addicted to the ass-slap dance move. Sometimes I don’t even notice I’m doing it.

6. When I finally told my now fiancé that I liked him (as in, liked him liked him), I drunkenly gave him the Anchorman line, “I want to be on you.” He had only seen the movie once and had no idea what it was from.

7. Just because I realize that Asian women are smarter, more attractive, and have about themselves a generally superior level of class does not mean I have a fetish. Just that I’m racist.

8. I eat gummy bears by tearing them limb from limb and eating their heads last.

9. I can’t grow hair on my arms.

10. Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.

11. I think yoga is incredibly spiritual. I know the Lord is with me in my downward dog.

12. I was born with jaundice.

13. I was born pigeon-toed.

14. I was born with an extra kidney. I wish I could have sold it on the black market and made some money, but it was underdeveloped and did nothing but cause me to wet the bed until the third grade.

15. I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.

16. A horse once fell over while I was riding it.

17. I don’t believe in democracy.

18. I cried when Spock died in Star Trek II.

19. I drink two glasses of wine every night before bed. Wait, did I just admit to alcoholism?

20. If you asked me to tell you my favorite movie, I would have a hard time not saying Titanic.

21. I once sent a teacher into early retirement by pretending to be a cheetah and swiping at her from under a desk.

22. I once ran into New Kids On the Block’s Joey McIntyre in the lobby of an off-Broadway show. I told him he was the first boy I ever loved. He laughed and kind of smiled. This was the most gratifying moment of my life.

23. My friends say that when they shave my back, I purr like a walrus.

24. I don’t understand what people see in the Godfather trilogy.

25. Sometimes I think pee smells like Cheerios.

How to tick people off

Found this at artlung.com.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook.
    
33. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Here we go Steelers

Anatomy of a Steeler Fan

Caption Contest II

Please post a humorous saying about this picture of Leon in the comment section. The best comment gets a free Leon T. teddybear, guaranteed to frighten your children.

Student Natalie Dylan Auctions Off Her Own Virginity

The Daily Telegraph reports that Natalie Dylan, a 22-year-old psychology student in San Diego, is holding an auction for her virginity:

Natalie Dylan, 22, claims her offer of a one-night stand has persuaded 10,000 men to bid for sex with her. Last September, when her auction came to light, she had received bids up to £162,000 ($243,000) but since then interest in her has rocketed.

The student who has a degree in Women’s Studies insisted she was not demeaning herself. Miss Dylan, from San Diego, California, USA, said she was persuaded to offer herself to the highest bidder after her sister Avia, 23, paid for her own degree after working as a prostitute for three weeks.

Miss Dylan said she did not think it was particularly significant to be willing to sell your virginity and insisted that she was happy to undergo medical tests for any doubters. She said: “I get some men who are obviously looking for a girlfriend but I try and make it clear that this is a one-night-only offer.

“I know that a lot of people will condemn me for this because it’s so taboo but I really don’t have a problem with that. My study is completely authentic in that I truly am auctioning my virginity but I am not being sold into this. I’m not being taken advantage of in any way.

The world’s oldest profession continues to work quite well for people, as Natalie evidences. Her bid is rumored to be up to $3.7 million now.

In instances like this–similarities between Paris Hilton’s porn videos and other Internet femmesations come to mind–morals take a clear backseat to wealth and notoriety. In fact, our society has learned to value the latter two so highly that morals are an implicit assumption of fame and wealth. We don’t think about how people amassed their fortunes so much as the fact that they amassed them in the first place. We’re dazzled by sensationalism, and willing to pay the price for it, in more ways than one.

If the usual patterns hold up, Natalie should get her own TV show or book deal soon. Her auction will “make” her. Sad.

Best Story of the Day

Zataki Clever Caption Contest!

eHey, readers! It’s time for another enthralling Zataki Clever Caption Contest!
So, how would you describe this CMIS project submitted by Hiddy? Submit your suggestions to the comments section linked below. Winner will be announced in the end-of-the-week recap, with a chance to win an all expense paid trip to Xu jia bang.

Music that Rocks

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Lustra

Links Happy New Year

Hong Kong KFC serves food from trash - Shanghaist
Finger-licking good

Top fake news of 2008 - Danwei
$50 billion Ponzi scheme involving the financial elite, too bizarre to be true

China Blog Awards 2008 - Chinalyst
Next year Zataki will win